June 1st - June 19th
It's almost summer! The last few weeks of school have come, and students will need to study hard for their final exams! Don't let up yet, or your grades won't be what you want them to. Of course, the weather is almost perfect and pristine, in attempts to lure students away from their studies.
Be Still My Beating Heart (ISO Gavin; 3/11 Post-Breakup)
Once Lynn had made her storming exit from the Great Hall, she broke down and ran, fast as she could, with absolutely no regard for any prefects or professors who tried to stop her, through the twisting maze of corridors that was her beloved Hogwarts. How could this be happening? How could her heart have been so full of love and trust one minute, and the next, be torn down by the very person who had put all that there?
None of this was fair or right, she thought, racing out of the castle and across the grounds. Gradually, as she had little endurance, she began to gasp as she ran, and finally had to come to a halt, collapsing onto one of the benches in the courtyard. Already feeling the tears streaming down her face, Lynn covered her weeping eyes with her hands and broke down into silent, heartwrenching sobs.
This couldn't be right. Earlier that day, she had been so damn happy, and now she couldn't feel any worse. She had loved Sean; damn it, she still loved him! They'd had their quirks in their relationship, but they worked through them. They worked together physically and emotionally, so why did she have to give in at the last minute?
Re: Be Still My Beating Heart (ISO Gavin; 3/11 Post-Breakup)
Gavin Nightshade had been enjoying his lunch at the Gryffindor table before viewing a rather nasty (and loud) argument between Sean Abernathy-Raelene, an older Hufflepuff Prefect whom he didn't know very well, and Lynn Stuart, a fellow Gryffindor and acquaintance.
Nobody in the Great Hall paid too much attention at the pair; this sort of behavior was somewhat normal. Living in a castle with hundreds of other teenagers got you accustomed to adolescence and the emotions that came along with it. Gavin, like everyone else at the Gryffindor table thought that this was to be another routine yelling fest with Lynn involved, but that was before Lynn briskly walked away from the Hufflepuff table, and out of the door.
Sean looked like he had just lost a major battle, and was utterly defeated. He stood next to the table wordlessly, not caring that most of the hall's occupants were now watching him. Gavin raised his eyebrows. Sean usually wasn't at a loss for words. This was probably bigger than a hormone related squabble.
Finished with his lunch, Gavin gathered his books, shoved them into his bag and briskly walked out the door and through the many twisting passages of Hogwarts.
He wasn't exactly looking for the wayward Lynn, but if he did happen to pass her on his way...he wasn't sure what he was going to do.
Gavin crossed through one of the many courtyards at Hogwarts, glaring up at the sky despite himself. Dark clouds rolled over the sky while wind whipped across the grounds, blowing Gavin's cloak frantically about him. A clap of thunder sounded, and rain cascaded down from the heavy clouds. Grumbling, the boy pulled his cloak tighter around his body. The weather lately had been downright ugly. Lynn wouldn't possibly be seated outside, would she? Nobody would be that crazy! She would probably be inside...
But there she was, huddled on the bench, silently sobbing, her entire body shaking.
"Lynn?" he asked her quietly, happy that he had found her, but not so happy to see her this upset. "Lynn, I'm sorry..." he added even softer than before. He took a step forward. Gavin knew Lynn, but had never been terribly close to her, even though they had classes together and lived in the same, yet opposite gender specified dorms.
He hoped that she wouldn't yell at him, or better yet chuck something in his general direction. He waited for her to reply, trying to be polite as he could in the awkward situation. Even though he didn’t know Lynn very well, Gavin wasn’t good at letting things slip by him in plain sight. Even if Lynn didn’t want to talk, he would feel better with himself if he at least tried to find out what was wrong. Edited by: CookiesandDragonsMilk at: 4/3/06 7:46 pm
Re: Be Still My Beating Heart (ISO Gavin; 3/11 Post-Breakup)
As thunder rumbled overhead, the courtyard was suddenly illuminated by a flash of lightning, and Lynn knew that she was likely crazy to be outside in weather like this. It was cold, wet and dreary – one would think that a girl who had once been in the hospital for pneumonia would be slightly more careful about such things – but she had always loved stormy weather, particularly when she was in one of her moods.
Of course, this wasn’t just your typical Lynn Stuart outburst. She had a reason to be rocking back and forth, bawling her brains out. She’d just broken up with someone who had made her wake up smiling every single day, someone who cared for her in every day imaginable. He had almost, it seemed, cared too much. Lynn had wondered from the beginning if their age would come into play, but she’d constantly pushed that worry aside as their relationship developed further and further.
She could handle a physical relationship. She could handle emotion. It was putting the two together that was tricky, and sometimes dangerous. It always led to pressure in one direction or another. Only a few days ago, she’d almost given herself completely to Sean, but they’d stopped just in time. Little did she know that today, he would be asking for the ultimate that she could give, barring her life.
Lynn was known to be strong. Whether someone liked her or hated her, that was usually the one thing they could say for her; she could weather anything, be it physical or emotional pain, with little thought for anything but the suffering of those around her. When she was hurt, she was more likely to worry about “the other guy” than herself. In some ways, perhaps she was due to allow herself a good cry.
Still, that didn’t make it enjoyable. Though she was lucky enough not to be one of those people whose faces got blotchy when they cried, it made her face red-hot and her eyes sting. Add that to the rain pelting her face, full throttle, and she wasn’t a happy girl. But she didn’t want to go inside. She still loved weather like this, and maybe this way, Sean wouldn’t follow her.
"Lynn?"
For the briefest of moments, Lynn thought that Sean actually had followed her. But then she realized that the voice wasn’t quite as mature as Sean’s was, not yet, anyway – but it was still vaguely familiar. When the voice said, "Lynn, I'm sorry..." she nailed it before she even looked up to see who it was. She swiped her hand across her face, not that it would do any good, with the rain coming down like it was, but it was a gesture of defence.
Gavin was one of her house year mates and, though she didn’t know him terribly well, she happened to know that he was generally considered a sweetheart. Why was he sorry though? She had barely found out what had happened herself, and she had been there. Oh … right. So had he. So had ninety-nine percent of the school. Lovely. Just lovely.
Lynn shrugged. “You don’t have to be,” she said softly, her voice betraying her feelings as well as the tears flowing down her cheeks. Lynn wasn’t known to speak softly. Her booming stage voice was well-known in both classes and social situations. “Gavin, honestly, the weather … you’re going to catch cold out here like this.” Despite her own predicament, there was nothing but kindness in her voice. She truly didn’t want him to get sick because he’d thought that he should follow her out here. Why had he, anyway?
“I don’t know why I’m crying,” she said abruptly. “Well, I do, but it’s really not what you’d expect. It’s not the kind of reaction you expect from a girl when she was asked to marry someone, is it?”
Re: Be Still My Beating Heart (ISO Gavin; 3/11 Post-Breakup)
Gavin had to wonder himself why he had indeed "followed" Lynn out into the courtyard. It was very strange; he hardly knew her, (despite the fact she was a Gryffindor, and was in almost all of his classes,) and rarely did he ever talk to the outgoing girl. Perhaps he felt inclined to meet new people- or maybe there was a more pressing need on his mind. He wasn't quite sure why Lynn had fled from the Great Hall, but it seemed serious- serious enough to cause Lynn to sob like she had been doing before Gavin had entered the courtyard.
Even though he didn't know Lynn very well, he certainly wasn't deaf, and even if you didn't know Lynn, you would know what was going on in her life whether you wanted to or not. She wore her emotions on her sleeve, a somewhat Gryffindor trait that was consistant with most of the members of the lion house. Gavin had to admit that he had fallen prey to that trait as well, but Lynn was more of an extremist to it for one reason or another.
This was his chance to speak with Lynn, and perhaps help her through her problems. Gavin had never been very good at finding alternatives to other people's problems, but he was a good listener. At this moment, Lynn might have wanted someone to vent to, lay all of her problems out in the open, get it off of her chest.
After calling to her cautiously, Gavin waited for a somewhat violent reaction from her, but was surprised when Lynn didn't do anything of the sort. An odd look passed over her face quickly; Gavin couldn't ever guess what had been going through her mind at that moment. However, the look disappeared rapidly with a backhanded wipe across her face.
Gavin almost couldn't hear her reply, but strained his ears to catch her words. “You don’t have to be,” she shrugged. Suddenly, the familiar crack of lightening broke the pause between the two, making Gavin jump slightly. He never could get use to the random loud noises.
“Gavin, honestly, the weather … you’re going to catch cold out here like this.”
The boy laughed lightly. "You can say that again," he said as he glanced at the sky. Apparently, the conditions were not going to get much better.
"The question is, what are you doing out here? This weather is no better for you than it is for me. And don't worry about my health. A cold isn't the worst thing to that could happen." He finished his light banter, and took another step forward, already removing his slightly damp cloak from around his shoulders.
“I don’t know why I’m crying,” Lynn told him out of the blue. Gavin hadn't baited Lynn into saying anything she wasn't ready for, but if she was will to speak, that was fine with him. “Well, I do, but it’s really not what you’d expect. It’s not the kind of reaction you expect from a girl when she was asked to marry someone, is it?”
Gavin stopped his movement towards the bench as abruptly as Lynn had brought up the fact she was crying. His mouth dropped open in surprise while his eyebrows shot up to his hairline. He was at a loss for words- what are you supposed to say to a comment like that? Congratulations? Another round of "I'm sorry!" over and over again? Once he had regained himself. the redhead closed his mouth, and gingerly took a seat next to his year mate.
"That probably came as a shock to you. I didn't really hear the gist of the argument...but that's probably the reason you're upset." He paused and handed Lynn his cloak. "Please, take it for a bit...I don't need it. It's a little wet though."
Gavin chewed on his lip in concentration, wondering what to say next.
"Are you going to get married?" he asked quietly, wondering if that was the right way to go about this. He had never dealt with these “marriage type questions” before; however, he could see problems like this arising in his all too-near future in his relationship with Caelin. However, he wasn’t going to bring up his problems unless volunteered to do so. Edited by: CookiesandDragonsMilk at: 4/4/06 9:05 pm
Re: Be Still My Beating Heart (ISO Gavin; 3/11 Post-Breakup)
Lynn nearly smiled when he laughed in response to her comment about the weather. It was rather ridiculous, she supposed, that they were out here in a lightning and thunder storm. At least there weren’t any trees around. Were the Hogwarts trees lightning-proof? That was a matter to look into. It would be very handy in the future. Oh, who was she kidding? She was just trying to take her mind off of things by coming up with the most trivial topics imaginable.
"The question is, what are you doing out here? This weather is no better for you than it is for me. And don't worry about my health. A cold isn't the worst thing to that could happen."
She watched him step forward and remove his cloak from his shoulders. What was he going to do with it? He had to be mad, to take it off in this sort of weather. What had possessed him to follow her? Honestly, this kind of weather usually chased people inside, not the other way around. “I’ve always been rather fond of storms,” she said finally. “Where most people are scared of them, they tend to comfort me.” Particularly when I’m in a bad mood, she wanted to add, but resisted the urge. He could already see that something was troubling her. That was evident by the look on his face.
She couldn’t help, however, but be amused by his reaction when she mentioned about getting married. His eyebrows shot up towards the stormy sky and his mouth literally dropped open; she had never seen someone do that before. Had it been under normal circumstances, she would’ve filed it away for use in one of her stories, but her brain wasn’t exactly working that way right now. Her gaze followed him as he came closer and then sat gingerly beside her on the bench.
"That probably came as a shock to you. I didn't really hear the gist of the argument...but that's probably the reason you're upset." He paused and handed Lynn his cloak. "Please, take it for a bit...I don't need it. It's a little wet though."
Lynn hesitated, but only because her hands were clasped together so tightly that it was difficult, cold as they were, to break them apart and accept the cloak he offered her. She gave him a brief, fleeting smile as she took it and laid it around her shoulders, pulling it tightly around her in an attempt to stay warm. She didn’t even really notice that it was already damp. It was a barrier between her and the wet, the cold … “Thanks.”
"Are you going to get married?"
Blinking rapidly, she looked at him; it was her turn for shock to register on her face, though her mouth didn’t fall open. Her skin, however, turned even whiter than its normal state. Swallowing to try and relieve the lump in her throat, she shook her head and looked away from him. “Hell no. There’s no way.” Swallowing again, she glanced at him. “I mean … I don’t mean it like that. It’s not really anything against Sean. And he didn’t exactly ask me to marry him, he just gave me a bracelet and told me that it was a ‘promise bracelet’, for the future and all that.”
Lynn shrugged, looking down at her clasped hands again as she fought back more tears. “I’m fifteen, Gavin. Nearly sixteen, but that doesn’t matter. I don’t want to be committed forever to someone that I’ve only dated for a few months.” She hesitated. “I told him I loved him, and we meant it. But he’s going to graduate in June, and I’ll still have two years left. It’s not the time it’ll take, that wouldn’t bother me. It’s just … we’ve both got a lot of growing left to do. When we’re older, we might not be as compatible. What we have – had,” she corrected herself, “Was special. But it’s not enough, you know?”
She glanced at him again. “If you have half a brain, you know my reputation around here. I didn’t think that any boy would want to treat me differently than they did. But Sean did. I just … it’s so hard,” Lynn whispered. “If he had just asked me and then understood my reasons for saying ‘no’, we could’ve gone on. But it was the fact that he didn’t seem to think that what I thought had any levity. It was all or nothing for him.”
Despite her efforts, more tears fell down her cheek. “I don’t want to go back to the way I used to be, I love what I had with Sean. But I don’t exactly seem to be cut out for that kind of relationship. Funny, isn’t it? Most of the time, it’s the girls asking for commitment.”
Re: Be Still My Beating Heart (ISO Gavin; 3/11 Post-Breakup)OCC: Whoa. Long. Sorry. There is some very intense talking going on.
IC:
Gavin’s lighthearted gesture towards the weather made Lynn give him a half smile- good, she hadn’t gone crazy. However, he still waited somewhat cautiously for her to take the article of clothing. Some girls liked that sort of thing, but this was Lynn Stuart. 1) He didn’t know her very well, and 2) She was probably being overrun by her strong emotions. Teenagers didn’t always think clearly when their emotions took control- Gavin definitely knew that to be true. But weren’t girls more emotional, or something? Hormones…estrogen? He had no idea. Better just to stay out of that realm when it came to girls. He had a feeling he would never understand women to their full potential.
“I’ve always been rather fond of storms,” she said finally. “Where most people are scared of them, they tend to comfort me.”
Glancing up at the sky, Gavin scowled his disapproval. It wouldn’t be his personal choice to run outside in the middle of a violent thunderstorm, but Lynn didn’t seem to mind.
“Can’t say I feel the same. I guess I’m one of those afraid of storms,’” he told her lightly, running a hand through his stubborn red locks. “The lightening makes me jump.” He finished, grinning sheepishly. This was true. However, you couldn’t walk down the corridors, trying to get people to respect you as a Prefect, and jump four feet in the air because of the sound of lightening. It just made Gavin look like a whimp.
Gavin’s reaction must have looked quite ridiculous, because Lynn’s face seemed to lighten up a little at the sight of him. Most people thought he looked pretty silly when surprised. His emotions tended to betray him when it came to the elements of surprise. Once his mouth had closed, Lynn regarded him normally once more.
He was a bit surprised when Lynn actually took his slightly damp cloak. She looked a little hesitant when he had first suggested it, but in the end looked a lot better with the material wrapped around her body. He noticed her hands as she gripped the edges of the material around her body; they were pale and stiff, possibly from the cold, but Gavin thought it might have had something to do with her feelings. “Thanks," she said afterwards.
“It’s no problem. The wet will do me some good,” he teased her, but abruptly stopped, fearful that she might think this wasn’t the most appropriate time to be joking around.
And then, the inevitable. Gavin asked her about the marriage.
Lynn didn’t speak for a while, just blinked rapidly in his direction, looking more than a bit blown backwards by his question. Her face washed away to become the color of a sheet, nervously swallowing before turning her face away from his blue-green gaze.
“Hell no. There’s no way.”
Gavin looked at her face to try and read her true emotions, but she seemed pretty set on the idea of not getting married. Thinking what he would possibly do in that situation, Gavin came up empty. It was too much to think about for someone so young, Gavin included. Lynn quickly swallowed again, her preparation to talk once more. He saw her sorrow filled hazel eyes, and his heart jerked about in sympathy. As much as he didn’t know Lynn, he felt like he was “in the same boat” as she was. These hard questions in life never had an easy answer.
“I mean … I don’t mean it like that. It’s not really anything against Sean. And he didn’t exactly ask me to marry him, he just gave me a bracelet and told me that it was a ‘promise bracelet’, for the future and all that.”
He nodded knowingly. There wasn’t much he could say to respond. This sort of thing wasn’t uncommon in the Muggle world, but Lynn probably knew that. But he had to wonder…he had always thought that a promise bracelet was more of an insurance policy- therefore, men could “try out the merchandise,” as Gavin’s brother had so fondly put it. It was a hint of marriage, but the way he understood it, it wasn’t the end all be all question.
“I’m fifteen, Gavin. Nearly sixteen, but that doesn’t matter. I don’t want to be committed forever to someone that I’ve only dated for a few months. I told him I loved him, and we meant it. But he’s going to graduate in June, and I’ll still have two years left. It’s not the time it’ll take, that wouldn’t bother me. It’s just … we’ve both got a lot of growing left to do. When we’re older, we might not be as compatible. What we have – had,” she corrected herself, “Was special. But it’s not enough, you know?”
Again, a nod from Gavin. This was it- she was spilling all she wanted to spill. It was fine with him. He felt like she might have needed a listener more than anything.
“I understand. You- and I for that matter- are both too young to worry about things like that. We’re still kids. It isn’t really fair to throw that much responsibly onto one person. I feel the same way right now…” He trailed off, unable to bring himself to talk about the one problem in his and Caelin’s relationship. He quickly spoke up to break the silence.
“You shouldn’t feel you should be tied to one person. You have so much to discover without already settling on something. And you’re right about the growing thing- even though we’re treated as adults, we’re really still just kids. Just…kids…”
A piece of flaming red hair fell in front of his face, ruining the intensity of the conversation. He moved it out of the way with a backhanded swipe. “Even the time after Sean graduates would be hard on the both of you. That’s two years without him, and you to think of your future by yourself. My girlfriend, Caelin, will be graduating in June as well. I know it will be a very hard two years.” He sounded stupid, but it didn’t matter. Getting this off his chest, even in small doses, would be better for him.
She glanced at him again. “If you have half a brain, you know my reputation around here. I didn’t think that any boy would want to treat me differently than they did. But Sean did. I just … it’s so hard,” Lynn whispered. “If he had just asked me and then understood my reasons for saying ‘no’, we could’ve gone on. But it was the fact that he didn’t seem to think that what I thought had any levity. It was all or nothing for him.”
“That’s scary. He just wanted to jump right in then? Did he think of what the future may bring?” Gavin mentally kicked himself for dissing Sean. It just sounded so silly that he would want to tie Lynn to their marriage so early in the game. “I’m sorry…again,” he finished awkwardly. He didn’t want Lynn to hate him for judging others.
The talk seemed to be too much for Lynn. Despite trying to hide it, small tears started to run down her cheeks. “I don’t want to go back to the way I used to be, I love what I had with Sean. But I don’t exactly seem to be cut out for that kind of relationship. Funny, isn’t it? Most of the time, it’s the girls asking for commitment.”
“I’m sure you probably tried to explain to Sean that it was all a little too fast. Guys don’t think about the future- we kind of act on impulses, and thinking ‘I want this now, and I’m gonna get it.’ Maybe Sean isn’t quite like that, but sometimes, I feel that that’s the only thing my head is saying. It’s true- girls usually want the commitment, but it’s not like guys don’t think about committing to things. I suppose we just go about it differently, express that sort of want in a different way. I’m not really sure how to explain,” he finished weakly, wondering what Lynn might possibly say to that dose of him talking. Edited by: CookiesandDragonsMilk at: 4/5/06 9:32 pm
Re: Be Still My Beating Heart (ISO Gavin; 3/11 Post-Breakup)
Lynn appreciated Gavin’s concern; she wasn’t always one to talk about what she was feeling. Usually, she kept her feelings inside and dealt with them much later, when she was alone, within the canopied haven of her bed, while her roommates slept. It was how she had dealt with teasing for her first few years at Hogwarts, how she had gotten over weird encounters with boys, how she had kept from going crazy when her teachers began piling on the homework. Ask anyone, and people would tell you that Lynn Stuart was an extrovert, wearing her feelings on her sleeve, but so much of it was an act. Most things that had to do with herself, she kept between herself and her heart.
Still, it did feel good to talk to someone.
“I understand. You- and I for that matter- are both too young to worry about things like that. We’re still kids. It isn’t really fair to throw that much responsibly onto one person. I feel the same way right now…”
Confused, Lynn racked her brain to try and bring up anything that would tell her what he was talking about, and then she realized it; she wasn’t the only one in a relationship with someone older than she. Gavin’s girlfriend, Caelin, was an “older woman” herself. Funny, wasn’t it, that circumstances would bring Lynn and Gavin, of all people, to talk about her failed relationship? It helped that he said he understood. It really was a relief to talk to someone her own age.
“You shouldn’t feel you should be tied to one person. You have so much to discover without already settling on something. And you’re right about the growing thing- even though we’re treated as adults, we’re really still just kids. Just…kids…”
Lynn nodded, watching him as he brushed his fiery hair out of his face. “That’s exactly it. People may not think it to look at me, but my mind is already constantly on overdrive. I mean, I don’t have the troubles that, say, Lianne Apsey has,” she continued, remembering with sorrow how her older housemate and prefect had lost her older brother, and how deeply it had affected her; no one could approach her for months. “But we all have issues. I’ve got one of the best friendships in the world with my mum, but my dad? Pah … there’s nothing but deceit and lies there.”
She sighed. “Every time I want to do something active, I have to think it through. Half the time, it’s too dangerous for me.” Realizing that he might not understand right away, she shrugged as she said, “I had back surgery when I was younger. Even things like sledding, I have to think twice about. Is it my fault,” Lynn said, speaking more to herself than to Gavin now, “That I put on a front of living life on a whim? I thought Sean understood that I had more to think about, that I still have things to do, ways to grow.”
“Even the time after Sean graduates would be hard on the both of you. That’s two years without him, and you to think of your future by yourself. My girlfriend, Caelin, will be graduating in June as well. I know it will be a very hard two years.”
“No kidding,” Lynn said softly. She didn’t have to worry about those two years, now. She knew that it should be a relief, that she wouldn’t have to feel bad if her gaze wandered now and then to other boys during that time, that she wasn’t committed to a man before she’d even left school. She heard Gavin say something about Sean jumping right in, and asking if he had thought about the future, but it didn’t really register. She wiped away the tears falling down her cheeks and shook her head as he apologized. “Don’t be silly. You’re out here in the rain, discussing my love life, when you could be warm and dry. No worries, Gavin.”
“I’m sure you probably tried to explain to Sean that it was all a little too fast. Guys don’t think about the future- we kind of act on impulses, and thinking ‘I want this now, and I’m gonna get it.’ Maybe Sean isn’t quite like that, but sometimes, I feel that that’s the only thing my head is saying. It’s true- girls usually want the commitment, but it’s not like guys don’t think about committing to things. I suppose we just go about it differently, express that sort of want in a different way. I’m not really sure how to explain,”
Lynn half-smiled. “I would never have thought of Sean being impulsive when I first started going out with him. That was the way I was – am. I still don’t think that what he did was an impulse, per se … I have a feeling that he put a lot of thought into it, and maybe that’s what makes this so … confusing. If he took so much time figuring it out, surely he should’ve realized what I would say.”
Something struck her, and clenched Gavin’s rain-soaked coat tighter around her. “Maybe he didn’t really know me at all.”
Was that it? Had Lynn deluded herself into thinking that they had had something special, something extraordinary? It didn’t really make sense, otherwise … and yet, neither did this. They had both been swept away by a rush of feelings lately. Could that have had something to do with it? She sighed. “So what exactly is going on with you and Caelin? Is she wanting more than you can give?”
There is some very intense talking going on. 
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