June 1st - June 19th
It's almost summer! The last few weeks of school have come, and students will need to study hard for their final exams! Don't let up yet, or your grades won't be what you want them to. Of course, the weather is almost perfect and pristine, in attempts to lure students away from their studies.
Bound Covered Book containing the life of Lianne Apsey
August 2, 2008
Kitty, I think I'm crazy. Tucker Pence: you know, the one I was telling you about last year? The one who dates a girl and leaves her about a week later? Well, he owled me a couple of days ago, asking me for a date. Me. Lianne Apsey. Tall, clumsy, speech-defected Lianne. Can you believe that? And guess what...I said yes!
I mean, I don't have a crush on him. There's absolutely no WAY I have a crush on him. I mean, I'd know, I'm sure of it. When I look at him, I don't get this tingly feeling or anything. But, I said yes because he sort of startled me into it. I mean, I wasn't expecting it, you know? So I said yes without thinking about what I was saying yes to.
Well, I guess the upside is that there'll be something to distract me from this dismal place I still call home. Still no word from mother, dad stays in his study like always, and, when I saw Tim for about a day, he basically ignored me. I have no idea why, and it's driving me crazy! I'm getting so bored here. One can only derive so much entertainment from writing in a journal, riding a broomstick, and playing football by herself.
The good thing is that I asked Puck to go with me. On the phone, she sounded a bit odd, like I was crazy to go out with him. And hey, maybe I am! But I plan to have fun. Maybe even tease him a little. Wouldn't it be cool if I was the one girl who threw him off his guard? I mean, it definitely isn't going to happen, but wouldn't it be cool?
Well...my hand is cramping. I guess I better leave this for now. All my love, Lianne.
Re: Bound Covered Book containing the life of Lianne Apsey
August 29,
BLOODY HELL! I can't believe that happened! I can't believe I thought I could handle a date with Tucker Pence! I'm an idiot, a raving lunatic.
It started out fine, Puck was there and everything, and there was a really funny moment where Tucker PRETENDED he'd actually bought three tickets, when I know he only bought two. And then that famous Quidditch player was there...you know, Cyrus Archer? Of course, Puck clamped onto him (I really felt quite sorry for the man) but at that point, I was feeling pretty good about myself, so I told Puck we'd meet her at the Ferris Wheel.
So we're on the Ferris Wheel, I go through some sort of freaky moment where the height freaks me out (why was that? I really have no idea) and than he kissed me!! Yes, Kitty, he kissed me. On the lips. And then guess what I did? I kissed HIM! Dear god, what was I thinking. Did I actually think Tucker could go one full day without trying to snog?
So of course the stupid prat had to try and snog. But I pushed him away. I mean, at first, I thought he would want to leave me then and there. But I guess he was okay about it...there was sort of an odd look on his face. I found myself wondering if anyone had ever said no to him before.
Anyway, term starts in a few days. I'm wondering if Tucker will even want to speak to me again. What do I do if he asks me out again?
I guess I'll just have to tell him the truth. Much as I'd like to have a steady relationship with a boy, Tucker can't hold one down any more than I can go a full day without tripping over something. God, life is already complicated enough; why add boys to the mix?
Re: Bound Covered Book containing the life of Lianne Apsey
October 31
Yes, I know, it really has been ages. And for that, I apologize. But life has been ... well, at least MINE has been hectic.
I messed up, Kitty. I messed up really, really badly.
You know how I decided to try and break up with Tucker before things got further? Well, I tried. And I ended up snogging him. And I can't say I didn't enjoy it. Okay, back on track now. So, of course, my brain was clouded by then, so I basically just went ahead with talking and ...
Okay, so I snogged and ran! I mean, he ran ... I tried to talk to him, but I know I did wrongly, so I understand why he walked away from me.
One of the other reasons I broke up with Tucker is ... well ... I have a crush. No, not just a crush, it's bigger than that. And guess who it's on? Atticus. Yes, the one who's been my friend for longer than I remember.
So I asked him to go to the masque with me.
He said yes.
I tried to make amends with Tucker at the carnival. Let slip that I was planning to break up with him from the start.
Where did I get off calling him a prat last time? I'm the stupid prat here ... I've messed everything up and, as a result, lost one of my dear friends.
I'm worried I'll mess things up with Atticus as well. I dearly hope not ... I couldn't stand losing him either.
Why is it that whenever I open my mouth PEOPLE GET HURT?!
I'll have to try and keep a pleasant demeanour on tonight.
Love Lianne
As a side note, Atticus thinks we're going as friends. Why can't he see me as a girl as well?
Re: Bound Covered Book containing the life of Lianne Apsey
November 1
Dear Kitty,
I’m such a fool. Everything I do, everything I attempt, it never works. I can think I have good, plausible reasons for doing something, and then I look back after doing it and think of how idiotic my reasons were. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I do this to others?
For example, I knew in my heart that I would break up with Tucker since the end of our first date. I was planning to refuse next time he asked me for a date after that, but then he asked me to be his girlfriend on the train, and I…I couldn’t bring myself to say no. I wanted to know what it was like. What was it like to feel special, to feel cherished?
So I led him on. I let him believe that there was a chance for a relationship when I was planning to break it off soon anyway. And I knew that, even if things began to go more smoothly, I couldn’t stay with him. Not in all honesty. Because over time, I began to realize that I liked Atticus.
He took me to the masque last night, and I had a wonderful time. But guess what? The lights went out, and my claustrophobia acted up again! Yeah, perfect timing, eh? But Atticus was a perfect gentleman, as always, and took me outside until the lights came back on. We talked for a while out there and he told me that I’m really not as unpopular as I think I am, even among the boys. But why is it that the one boy I actually care about in that way…well, I’m positive he doesn’t feel the same.
Atticus has plans, goals, and I’ve never seen him express an interest in a girl. Besides, he’s such a gentleman. I’m worried that he would pretend to like me just to spare my feelings. Probably not, he’s honest as well, but there’s always that chance. And I didn’t want to hold him back. I’ve shown him, several subtle times, how I feel – I even thought that maybe the costume I wore to the masque might shock him into something - but he didn’t reciprocate. Atticus doesn’t like me as anything further than a friend. I’m sure that someone will catch his eye, and his heart, sooner or later. And if they hurt him? Rules be damned, I’ll hurt them.
I think I’m glad I didn’t tell him…this way, he never has to know. I’m sick and tired of breaking boys’ hearts. First Tucker, then Noah … did I tell you that I found some burnt drawings in the fire that night? Drawings of me? I can’t think of any other explanation for it. From now on, the only heart breaking will be my own.
Re: Bound Covered Book containing the life of Lianne Apsey
November 8, 2008
Tim is dead. My dear, sweet, loving brother, who I love more than life itself, is dead. Why did he have to die? I feel terrible for thinking it, but I almost would’ve rather heard news of mom dying, or maybe even dad. I love Tim more than I love anything or anyone, or ever could.
And now he’s gone. I don’t even know if he got my last letter. Maybe he started to respond, I don’t know. Life is messed up right now. Things just keep getting worse.
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