How to approach someone with an Eating Disorder
Guidelines for Family/Friends
Do not treat the person with an eating disorder like a child. If you are a parent, do not deny your daughter or son some parental guidance, but at the same time remember that he/she has many adult abilities which need to be developed.
When you speak to the person; speak with compassion and concern. Be as descriptive as possible.
Avoid focusing on how the person looks with comments such as: "You're looking far too thin." or, "You're looking good!" This encourages body image obsessions. Instead, focus on other areas of the person's life as much as possible.
Explain what you suspect by describing the person's problematic behaviors. State your observations.
For example: "I'm noticing that you are skipping meals. You're eating less at each meal. You're exercising more and it's obvious that you are losing a large amount of weight. I'm concerned for your health."
Do not allow the dysfunctional behavior to be overlooked, otherwise, you are rewarding it. You need to increase the person's responsibility for his/her behavior.
Set rules with the person regarding what is acceptable food to eat and how many meals a day are acceptable. Then focus conversations on other topics.
If a person is binge eating, discuss with the person how you could help him/her.
For example: Perhaps they may want you to remove binge foods from obvious places to discourage binge eating
Do not use scare tactics. They are not appropriate and they do not work.
Give the person time to improve unless you suspect that his/her life is in danger. Negotiate a plan that may include certain behaviors such as eating regularly or decreasing purging. If the verbal contract is broken, seek professional help.
If a person appears to be showing signs of extreme physical problems yet refuses help, a decision needs to be made by the parents and professional to determine if treatment is necessary and how to initiate it.
Try not to spy or interfere once the person with the eating disorder is in treatment.
Provide specific information for help; names of treatment providers and phone numbers. There may be eating disorder specialists in your community or there may be support groups for eating disorders. Have the information available when you approach the person.
Re: How to approach someone with an Eating Disorder
Just one note about "setting rules about what is acceptable to eat, and how often"... It's implied, but I would like to reiterate that it's good to get the ED person's input, approval, and agreement to the rules. The parent or friend or whomever should avoid dictating any rules. EDs are all about control, after all, and telling someone to do something is pretty much a way to alienate him/her, and even exaggerate the condition.
Re: How to approach someone with an Eating Disorder
Totally agree Choola - Just as much as a person "owns" their ED as a means of control, they also need to own the recovery process.
It isa important however to make sure that they know what "acceptable" eating behaviours are by general society's standards, as their own may be warped (especially if they have been hanging around on PRO ANA sites). Once they stop communicating with the outside world and only communicate with other ED sufferers their perception gets totally skewd, like when they tell you that just eating vegetables (or toast or lettuce or whatever) for every meal is OK and normal....
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