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I know this will probably piss a lot of people off, but bear with me and don't go posting odd messages and accusations until you have fully read what exactly I'm about to say.

One year ago today, just under an hour ago as of the time of my writing this, there was an entry into my LJ with a few short sentences of text and a single image. That entry is now hidden from view permanently and will eventually be deleted at my discretion. Now, given the fact that this username is posting something actively, then you all must be starting to see where this is going, given what all I've said now.

It's time to come clean.

After events that took place on April 1st, 2005 I was greatly disenfranchised with the Internet in general. Activities that took place were beyond my control, but viewing them greatly shook what I firmly believed in. That is long behind me, now. The next day, I decided to go to a Whose Line-esque thing hosted by the local high schools as a distractor to my mind. It was watching these comedic skits ("Maria! Porque? How could you cheat on me with an exercise machine!?" that an idea began to form in my mind: an idea to distance myself rather permanently from that which had shaken my belief system to its core.

In short, I invented an injury that seemed plausible enough. Those of you that know--well, knew-- me know that I could never do something without thorough research beforehand. I wasn't obligated to show my face until that Monday, so I spent all day Sunday gathering as much information as I possibly could. When Monday morning came and I was safely inside Room F110 of my college after my early-morning math class, I debuted my story to any and all who would listen. Given my nature, people ate it up and I felt a pang of guilt for that which I was about to do.

Over the next several weeks, a drama unfolded worthy of a daytime soap opera. In addition to a broken leg that required several pins, I had apparently developed a mild case of pnuemonia. The pangs of guilt grew stronger at that point, but I pressed onwards... towards the grand finale.

Shortly before April, I had introduced a friend of mine to AHS: Matt or as you all know him: ArcHunter or more recently... Tethis. He was a fabrication dreamed up by myself. He is no more real than any of our characters, because that is what he was to me: a character. In that disguise, I gave pertinent information as my true self took a turn for the worst. I was tempted to call the whole thing off at the very end, but I persevered and exactly one year ago today I sat in F110 and created a small photoshop image to convey the awful "truth".

Why am I saying this now? After one year, the deception has become too much to bear. I had vanished entirely due to hardware problems just after April and, as I was later told, that had people all in an uproar. Since the only person who really "knew" me was gone, people were rightfully suspicious. I had even heard tales of how someone whose name I will not mention had gone as far as to call UVA and BRCC for information about me. Now it's fairly obvious why no information could be garnered: I was never at UVA.

Early this morning (or last night if you prefer) I was planning on turning on the XBox when I got up and starting up a new KOTOR 2 game. But then an idea peaked into my head about revealing the truth. My stomach turned into a knot and hasn't come undone since. I don't know if people will hate me or not for telling this, but I wanted to get it out into the open.

Words can never express exactly how sorry I am for the pain I have caused to others with the deception I have pulled. If I'm hated, very well then... whatever the reactions I will take them in stride. I will not shy away from any accusations or anything people wish to say to me. Love me, hate me, whatever, I'm still here and I always have been. For those wishing to get in contact with me in private, please use the IM associated with my Tethis account: PhaconicPolarity. SourceElement has been retired for close to a year, now.

Thank you for your time.

And just in case you all wondered, this message is posted up in two locations: my LJ (arunad) and on AHS.

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Deeper Profile

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"Then again, wouldn't you thinking already be thought out, so that your thinking is involved in what you'll do? So that means if you didn't think then you wouldn't get to the same conclusion as you would if you thought about it, right? Oh well, best not to think about thinking about thinking, you think so? Well, I still say not thinking is the best way to think!" -Alex Summers, thinking about thinking