BeN bLeDsoEs pLaYtOy 4EvA 
beNsMkDmAhDoGzAsS
Posts: 400
(4/6/02 8:43 pm)
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Natural interview II
by: MikeHmpzMahMnkyzHrd
I wasn't sure that I was going to be able to do it. After all, just the day before Lorrian and I had tried to interview Natural and in the half an hour we were there we had been scarred for life. I even had an appointment with a therapist after the interview. But we decided to tough it out and try once again. Hopefully things wouldn't get any worse. And Glenda had promised to talk to the guys and tell them to tone it down a bit.
Lorrian:*swallows hard* "Any talk of darts and I'm leaving.
Hailey: *nods.* "Okay, here goes nothing!" *knocks on the door*
After a minute there is scuffling around the bus and someone answers it. Ben is standing there in a pair of boxers, a bath towel tied around his neck, a plunger in his hand, SB painted on his chest, goggles over his eyes and a Dr. Seuss hat on.
Ben: "Greetings! Who seeks entrance to our humble adobe?"
Lorrian: "I'm Lorrian and this is Hailey… We were trying to interview you yesterday but things got a little out of hand."
Ben: *Grins* "You have permission to enter my secret lair! Come, I shall lead you to the others."
We follow Ben inside. "I am Super Ben!" He points to the pain on his chest. "SB is for Super Ben."
We see the others sitting in the back… well, Michael, Marc and Patrick are sitting… J is laying in what I assume is his cage.
Patrick: "You came back!" *runs up and hugs Lorrian and I*
After greeting one another we sit back down.
Michael: "Glenda told us we had to answer your questions."
Lorrian & Hailey: *nod*
Lorrian:"All right… what is your all time favorite quote?"
Super Ben: "Always Coca cola!"
Michael: "Life sucks and then ya die so @#%$ the world let's get high!" *pauses* "Oh yeah one more… If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life then why don't we get wasted and have the time of our lives?" *winks at Hailey*
Hailey: "Um yeah okay… the rest of you?"
Josh: "Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow… Meow Meow Meow!" *imitating commercial for Meow Mix cat food*
Marc: *bats his eyes lashes and runs a hand through his hair* "I wish you were a carousel outside of walmart so I could ride you all day for a quarter."
Hailey: *Starts gagging when she notices that Marc is saying that while looking directly at Patrick*.
Patrick: "I don't know…" *is eyeing Marc and trying to move farther away from him.*
Lorrian: *sighs* "Um… if you could give someone any piece of advice what would it be?"
Patrick:*Whimpers* "Don't drop your soap when you're taking a shower even if Marc says he just has to pee while you're in there!"
Ben:"Don't worry, I am Super Ben! I shall save you!"
Josh:stands up and scratches behind his ear. He starts panting and runs over to the couch.
Lorrian: "Ummm… what the @#%$?"
Josh: *starts humping the couch.*
Michael: "He isn't neutered yet. He'll be done in a second, he's a quickie. Just ask Marc."
Marc: *nods* "Oh yeah, but for an animal he sure knows what he'd doing. I mean, for a mutt he has a pretty nice ass. Oh god, I think I'm going to have to borrow him from you after again Michael I'm getting an urge for a large helping of puppy." *Turns to J* "Grrr… make me bark baby!"
Hailey: *starts dry heaving and turns away* "Why does god hate me? Why does god hate me?" *repeats over and over again*
Lorrian: *mouth drops open and just stares* "Um… wow. Okay, you know what? This is absolutely pointless! You're @#%$ mental cases? Why do we bother?"
Patrick: *starts to cry* "Please don't leave me! I didn't mean to be bad! Just don't leave me with them… I don't want them to tie me up and leave me in the cabinet under the sink just to see if I can still fit!"
Michael:*starts laughing and looking at Patrick mischievous* "Ohhhh Patrick, did you say you wanted to go back into the cabinet?"
Patrick: *Shakes head furiously.* "No, no, no, no!"
Ben: "No don't leave! We want to do an interview! Please, we'll try harder I promise!"
Lorrian: *melts because of the cute grin Ben is giving her* "All right…"
Hailey: *looks at Lorrian as if she is insane* "Oooookay then, I guess we can try once more. But this is it, after this no more."
Marc, Michael, J, Ben, Patrick: *nod*
Ben: "I'm not a freak… but so what if I am? So.. Yeah.. But.. I'm not!"
Hailey and Lorrian: *look at Ben* "You done now?"
Ben: *nods*
Lorrian: *Shrieks as J comes up to her and starts humping her leg* "Ah, down boy down!"
Hailey: *throws the pencil she was carrying*
J: *runs after to fetch the pencil*
Michael:"Hey! That's not fair! How come he fetches when YOU throw the pencil? How'd you do that? Tell me tell me tell me!!!!
Hailey: *raises her eyebrow* "I don't put my dogs, uh I mean people, in the microwave wrapped in bubble wrap with pop corn kernels."
Michael: "Hey! That was funny." *everyone looks at him oddly. "Okay, so maybe it WAS a little mean. *pouts at having to admit he shouldn't have done something*
Patrick: "Will you take me home with you?"
Lorrian and I look back and forth at one another.
Lorrian: "I don't think Glenda would be too happy about that. Back to the interview… If you could hook up with any star of your choice who would it be?"
Ben: *raises hand like an eager five year old in school* "Oooh, me, me, me! Pick on me!" *Waits to be called on*
Lorrian: "All right then…" *rolls eyes* "Ben?"
Ben: *grins* "The coca cola bear! I love the coca cola bear. It drinks of a coke can! Isn't that SOO cool? I could never figure out how the bear did it. I mean, must be one special bear. After all, she's the only bear that can drink from a can."
Hailey: "Wow… just wow."
Marc: "We like the Olsen twins even though they're only like 12."
Josh: "14."
I look at Lorrian. It is the first word that J has seemed to said. I was starting to doubt that the man/dog could even speak.
Ben: "When you have twins can't you add their ages? So like technically they're 28."
Michael: *laughs* "Legal!"
Marc: "I wouldn't much mind having a little fun with them."
Patrick: *whispers* "He's 50/50... I'm not sure what that means but Michael says it all the time about Marc."
Michael: "It means he's buy Patrick… Marc is a FLAMER!"
Marc: *huffs* "Excuse me? I know that you SO did not just say that about me."
Michael: *laughs* "So what if I did?"
Marc: "Oh you best step down little boy! This chicita is going to have to be learning you some manners about how to treat a lady!" *gets up in Mike's face*
Michael: *slaps chest* "Oh yeah bring it ya badly fashioned cross dresser!"
Marc and Michael start fighting. They end up stepping on J and J runs away whimpering. He climbs into his cage and stays there scared that Michael will hurt him again. Ben and Patrick are watching.
Ben: *stands up* "I am super Ben! I shall save you!" *Tries to stop the fighting but gets bitch slapped by Marc* "Ahhhh! That hurt! I'm going to call my mommy and tell her you hit me! Hey, stop it!" *his cape rips because Michael stepped on it. "MY CAPPPPPE!!!!!!" Ben wails running to the back of the bus as well.
Patrick is still seated just looking at the two too afraid to move. Lorrian and I are just staring at them. How the hell can these guys actually be in a band? They belonged on Jerry Springer! The audience would sure get a kick out of that.
Hailey: *ducks as one of Marc's high heels go flying*
Lorrian: *Turns to Holly* "I think we should leave. This isn't going to work. EVER. Not unless they were strapped into straight jackets and under heavy sedatives."
We stood up to leave but were stopped by Patrick.
Patrick: *clings to our legs* "Please do not leave me with them! I do not know what they will do to me! They're not well, none of them!"
Lorrian and I look to one another. Well… it couldn't hurt. While we were at it we avoided flying objects and took J by his collar.
Michael and Marc: *stop fighting and turn to Hailey and Lorrian* "Hey, where do you think you're going?"
Michael: "Bring back my dog!"
Hailey: *shakes head*
Marc: "Bring back my Bed Buddy! Patrick!"
Lorrian: *Shakes head*
Hailey & Lorrian: "Nope, can't do that. J is our dog… I mean, person… now and Patrick has been severely abused! Look at him, he acts like he's 5!"
Ben: *comes out from the back of the bus* "My mommy says to be nice to me!" *stops* "Where are you going?"
Lorrian: "We're leaving."
Ben: *curiously* "But what about the interview?"
Lorrian: "We'll just make something up…"
I held J's leash in my hand. Patrick buckled up in the back seat of our van and J climbed up into my lap. He sat there happily as I scratched him behind the ear. Michael and Marc were left to finish duking it out in the bus. Lorrian starts the car and starts to drive away when we hear a THUD on the roof.
Lorrian: "What the hell?" *gets out of the car*
Ben: *sitting on the top of the car* "I'm Super Ben! And this is my side kick Toilet Paper Man."
Josh: *hops out of the car and disappears somewhere underneath it.
Hailey: *sighs* "J! Damnit J get back here!" *looks around confused* "Ben, will you please get off the top of the car?"
Ben: *nods* "Only because you said the magic word! Look at me, I'm going to fly!!!!" *Stands up* "Watch watch! Here I go!" *Jumps off of the car and lands eight feet away from the car. His face lights up* "That's the FARTHEST I've EVER flown!!! Did you see that Toilet Paper Man? I flew this many feet!" *stretches out his arms to show while holding the little doll made out of toilet paper.* "SUPER BEN!!!" *Starts running around with his arms spread out pretending to fly.
Lorrian:*shakes her head* "I'm sure his parents have never heard of Ritalin."
Hailey: *whispers* "J, come on J. Be a good boy! Come out from underneath the car.
The door to the bus flies open.
Michael: *steps out of bus tears in his eyes and lower lip quivering* "Where's J? Where did J go? Come back J! Come on boy, don't run away! Come on boy, come on!" *Calls to his dog sadly looking everywhere*
Josh: *hearing his owner calling for him and for once not yelling runs out from underneath the car*
Michael: *spots J* "J!!!!!!!"
Josh:*jumps into Michael's arms*
Michael: *Scratches J behind the ear* "Aw J! You came back! Good boy, good boy! Yes that's right.. Good boy! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Daddy loves you, that's right daddy loves you!"
Hailey: *turns to Lorrian and fake gags* "Wow. Okay, what do you say we get the hell out of here before they notice that we're just standing here."
Lorrian: *nods furiously* "Yeah. Hurry up get in the car!*
Lorrian and I start driving away and are happy to see that we have gotten on the high way with no traces of the guys. Ten minutes later driving on the high way I hear a whimpering coming from the back.
Hailey: *listens* "Did you hear that? It sounds like whimpering.
Lorrian:"I didn't hear anything."
Hailey: "Shh, listen! There it is again!" *turns around and pulls a blanket out from the back*
Marc:"Hey girlfriend! So where are we going on this wonderful road trip. I hope I look good enough for where ever it is that we're going. I'm wearing my best clubbing outfit!" *sits up revealing that he is wearing a mini skirt, knee high boots, ripped fishnet tights, sequined halter top with a bra stuffed with something.*
Hailey: *stares open mouthed*
Marc: "What? Can you notice that much they're not real? I grabbed two oranges." *grabs fake boobs* "See, oranges!"
Just then something underneath the black moves further and there is another whimper.
Patrick: *pops his head out from under the blanket* "Marc tried to rape me again!" *climbs up front and sits on Hailey's lap like he's 5* "Hold me! He might try to do it again!"
Marc: *fluffs up his hair and licks his lipstick coated lips* "Baby, it wasn't rape. It was simply oral pleasure. I don't see why you fuss. You enjoyed it last time."
Patrick: *Starts to cry* "You got me drunk! You told me it was orange juice!" *clings to Hailey*
Lorrian:*is trying not to swerve off of the road while watching what's going on.* "Marc, what are you doing in our car?"
Marc: "Well excuse me Miss Thang" *does girlish head movement and snapping of his fingers* "I just thought this was a road trip and anyone was allowed to join. Now I'm going to call up the boys and tell `em where we're heading! I'm sure Ben and Michael and J would LOOOVE to go on a trip." *starts dialing on his cell phone* "That's strange… no one's answering."
Lorrian: *swerves off to the side of the road with a scream*
Ben: *laying on top of the car with his head hanging over windshield waves furiously with a big grin* "Hey! Wow! You really feel like you're flying up here! It's awesome!"
A car behind us stops. Lorrian could see it coming and looked frightened. Michael had been following in a car.
Josh: *sitting in passenger side head hanging out the window tongue sticking out and panting*
The car stops behind ours.
Michael: *walks over to car* "I just wanted to thank you for showing me that I shouldn't be mean to J! Even if he is just a rotten mutt sometimes."
Lorrian: *Starts crying* "Why me? Why me? What did I ever do to deserve being stuck with such freaks?"
Patrick: *still clinging to Hailey* "I like you. You're pretty! Wanna @#%$?"
Hailey: *Eyes get wide* "What did you just say?"
Patrick: *rolls his eyes losing innocent tone to his voice* "Sweetheart, don't act stupid. Wanna @#%$?"
The two of us got out of the car and started running as fast as we could, Natural chasing us. For the love of god,someone save us!
plz vote for GNH as one of the hottest 50 ezboards!
Edited by: BeN bLeDsoEs pLaYtOy 4EvA at: 4/6/02 9:06:48 pm
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