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burning avenger
Newly Registering Student
Posts: 1
(12/16/06 1:11 pm)
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Raven Darkness
Name: Raven Darkness *Original name= Mary Stevenson*

Age: 16

Grade: 10

Appearance: Raven has hair that stops at her shoulders. She has a long fringe that covers her right eye. Her hair is black in color but also has some purple streaks in it. There are also some blue streaks in her hair. The end of her hair is green and her fringe is fire truck red in color. She wears all black most of the time. Raven wears a band shirt for My Chemical Romance. She also wears a checkered sweat band on her left wrist. She wears three quarter tight black pants and a black skirt over it. Her shoes are converse all-stars and are black with cob webs drawn on them. She always carries around her black bag that has red pentagrams on it.

Personality: Raven is a very shallow person. She is always depressed and sad and sometimes it’s not about anything. She just likes to be sad because she thinks that is who she is. Raven hates people who follow the mainstream. She also hates people who are mean to her for no reason. Raven doesn't get into other people's problems or anything like that. If she sees someone in trouble she will just keep walking and ignore them. Raven sometimes doesn't like to be approached by people because she's so depressed that she doesn't want to talk to anyone. Raven's attitude brings down the people around her and she isn't easy to approach because she looks so different from other people. Also Raven cuts herself on purpose.

Special Power: Human Lighter: When clicking her fingers Raven can produce a small flame. It is the size of the flame you can get from a lighter. She cannot do anything with it really except for light up her cigarettes. The power sometimes doesn't work and she has to click quickly or it won't work. It doesn’t work properly when her hand is wet and runs off her energy.

Gasoline: Raven can make a flamable substance inside of herself. When she makes it she has to spit it out within a minute otherwise it will burn away at her insides. She can only use her power three times a day.

History: Mary was born into a family of people who didn't want her. They were the typical American family and they wanted a boy but instead they got Mary. So they had another child and it turned out to be a boy named James. Mary was pretty much excluded from her family because she was a girl. James got all the nice stuff and Mary got nothing at all. Mary turned to a life of depression as soon as she was old enough to see what was going on in her family. She met the emo kids at her school and fit in nicely with them. Her image changed but her parents never even noticed they were so busy with her brother James. Mary got the nickname Raven and made everyone call her Raven because it was her emo name and that’s what she wanted people to call her. She didn't have to tell her parents because they never noticed her. Then her dad got murdered and Raven witnessed the whole thing but she said that it served him right for being such a conformist. They went to the funeral and Raven ran away after it because her parents didn’t love her so she only went to the funeral reception for the free food because she was being starved because her parents didn’t love her they loved James. Raven lived on the streets. She always cut herself on purpose and she met a guy named Mick and Mick taught her first power. Mick also taught her her second power too. Then he fell in love with Raven but she said no because her parents didn’t love her and she cut herself but Mick didn’t care because he loved her. Raven watched as he got killed by some random thugs and she didn’t care she just lit up a smoke, cut herself and kept going because she didn’t care what happened to anyone because she was so depressed. She stole his sword and kept going. Raven made it to Buffalo all by herself because no one loved her enough to give her a ride because they knew she was emo. And when people tried to stop and help her she just lit up a smoke and told them that getting in the car would be like conforming. Then someone saw her use her powers and they told her she should go to MHS. Raven told the kid to go away because emos didn't like to talk to people. Then she cut herself. Raven went to MHS because she said that it would be conforming to the ways of humans if she didn't so she did.

Relationships
---------------
Mortal Enemy: James
Hates: her mom and dad, Mick
Dislikes:
Friends:
Good Friends:
Family:
Likes:
Dating:


EXAMPLE ROLE-PLAYING POST

Raven was sitting all alone. She clicked her fingers and the fire came out and she lit up a smoke that was in her mouth. She was dressed like an emo like she usually did so people wouldn’t approach her because she hated it when people did that. She was thinking about her life and her family and how she was so god damn happy she got away from her conforming mother and stupid bastard brother James. She began to feel very very angry but kept it together because she was so depressed. The more she thought about her life the worse it got. She wanted to go home and burn her house down because she hated it so much. Then she thought about Mick and how nice he was to her but then he died on her and left her so she hated him to. She was glad she didn’t say goodbye and didn’t care what happened to him because she knew he just wanted her to conform like the rest of them and join the mainstream. She got really angry now and almost couldn’t control how angry she was. She finished up her smoke and started walking to the school. If anyone tried to talk to her she would just tell them to go away because she didn’t care about them. She didn’t care about anyone here she was too depressed because of her life to care.

Edited by: burning avenger at: 1/14/07 7:15 pm
the flojo
Flojo Murasame
Vengeful Warrior

Ren Murasame
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Badness

Kenshin Tajiri
Ninja with Issues

Posts: 751
(12/20/06 3:27 pm)
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Re: Raven Darkness
To begin, you'll need to describe the sword, since it will technically count as a power.

Next, you refer twice to Raven "cutting herself" but are never clear on what that means. I assume it refers to accidentaly cutting oneself with a sword, but if it's self-mutilation you mean, then it would definitely need to go under your character's personality.

Also, you say in your personality that Raven is a deep person, but from looking over the profile she seems rather shallow as a character. Her only real character trait is constant depression; that's not deep. Try to flesh your character out more, because what you have right now is a very shallow, one-sided character.

_______________
There is a state that a martial artist can reach, a state where he ceases to be an individual person, but instead becomes a living, breathing representation of his art. This state of perfection is called Shin no Mushin. It is my only goal.

burning avenger
Newly Registering Student
Posts: 2
(1/14/07 4:31 am)
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Re: Raven Darkness
edited, a took away the sword and added a second power, fixed up that problem about the cutting herself and reworked her personality thanks for taking the time to read this, sorry it;s taken me so long to fix it.

DevJackson
Mr. Fix It
Posts: 362
(1/14/07 12:09 pm)
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Re: Raven Darkness
Pretty much only one thing I can see at the moment, besides this being one of the most stereotypical characters I have possibly ever seen (but if you can RP well, I won't care). That one thing is the relationships. I really don't get how is mother could be good friends with her, especially when you described why your character hated her mother. I recommend you just add all of the family members into the family section of the relationships, even if your character doesn't consider the people as family.

burning avenger
Newly Registering Student
Posts: 3
(1/14/07 7:16 pm)
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Re: Raven Darkness
alright fixed that up for you

DevJackson
Mr. Fix It
Posts: 368
(1/14/07 8:24 pm)
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Re: Raven Darkness
Alright, accepted.

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