A few things you need to fix:

1.) Bold your titles.

2.) Please fix some of the grammatical errors you have. It gets really annoying to see capitalized words that shouldn't be capitalized.

3.) Your first power makes you able to stretch way too much. Tone that down a LOT, 200 meters is a huge distance, and you'd be able to hit someone nearly all the way down the hall. Also, a 20 meter inflation is huge. Tone them both down to maybe a meter, or 2 at most.

4.) Your second power, Immense Strength, is also too strong. Punching into bedrock is no easy task, and for starting out, being able to punch into it shouldn't be a walk in the park. Also, for now, your strength shouldn't be able to follow with the stretching; it should probably be watered down by distance.

5.) Please add in some more punctuation to your history; it's an eyesore to read with only a period separating things. Also, there's a huge gap of empty time between your kindergarden year and enrolling in Manga High school. Please add some more history that happened between this time frame.

6.) Add in your family to the relationships and take out the thing that says "((Everything in the relationships section should be blank, except for family, if you have any))".

7.) At the moment, your sample RP post is not up to par. I don't like pointing out flaws in one's RPing style, but it has to be done in this instance. First off, there is little detail in everything, so we cannot gauge just how good of a writer you are. Second, it is mostly dialogue. For a sample RP, a little bit of dialogue is good, but over half of your RP is talking. Also, in your dialogue you used numbers. This can get really annoying to read, so I hope you won't make a habit out of it.

So, please edit all of these things, and I will take another look at this.

Edited by: DevJackson at: 1/14/07 1:02 pm