Short Battle
Drizzt's Scimatars snapped from thier sheathes as the beast lumbered forward oblivious to the threat at hand. Drizzt began to fall into the dance of blades weaving his Scimatars in a dazzling display designed to intimidate the monster. Two blades moved as one, brother and sister dancing as if they were extensions of the Drows arm. The beast came on anyway hardly recognizing the tactic for what it was; trolls were never known for intelligence. An awkward step and a clumsy swing brought the troll within a foot of Drizzt, determined to crush the drow with pure strength. Drizzt proved the faster, he feigned a leap to the right which the beast anticipated just as Drizzt ducked low and rolled through it's legs. Twinkle slashed outwards and to the left cutting the back of the monsters thigh while Frostband curved upward seeking the beasts belly. The troll hardly registered the pain as he reversed momentum and swung out again, an overhand smash that would flatten a boulder. The skilled Drow almost laughed at the absurdity of the attack and skipped backwards slashing down on the beasts forearm. The troll this time howled in pain and suddenly the notion of retreat did not seem so bad. Feigning a kick the troll pivoted and began to flee hoping his longer legs would outmatch the agileness of the drow. He was wrong. He felt a searing pain as twinkle ripped into a shoulderblade but thankfully the pain went almost instantly away..replaced with the feeling of the crack of its knee's into the stone as it's hamstrings were cut. Drizzt leaped atop the troll, his Lavender eyes searing with fury and ended the beasts life.
Drizzt = Dark elf
Drow = Dark elf
Twinkle = Name of Drizzts scimmy
Frostband = Other scimmy
and PLEASE i would MUCH rather like to hear some criticism and how to write better then how good it was =) thanks for reading. =)
Borrowed Char from a book. Have mine own, but I like him. =)
I am not a writer, but here is some humble critique.
If the story is original it is a good one. I have read many stories of the dark elf known as Drizzt and the battle scene seems similar, not exact, but similar to ones I have read. Of course most of the battle scenes R.A. Salvatore writes are similar so maybe it is just that it cant be helped.
You mispell some words in the story... like scimitar. I know it is minor, but in writing, grammar and spelling are as important as the imagery the story creates.
As for imagery, the story evokes the picture of the battle in the readers mind. It is vivid and clear. Easy to follow and imagine. That is very important. The story takes the reader to the battle scene and makes you feel like you are watching. I enjoyed that.
I dont believe "agileness" is a word, but I could be wrong.
In some places you refer to "drow" and in others you use "Drow." The capital denotes a proper name. If that is what you intend to use then it should be the same throughout the story. Perhaps this was just a typing error... I dont know. The same thing goes for "Twinkle" and "twinkle."
Again, I am not a writer nor am I an editor so take my comments with a grain of salt, as I may be way off base. These were just my initial impressions and you asked for critque so... hope this helped.
Re: Short Battle
Thanks those did help. What I wrote was original but I agree with the similarity between the real book and what I wrote. I love Salvatores style and use it in my own writings often. The charactor I made Is a battle wizard and most often uses magic so it seems less similar when I write using him but the "feeling" of Salvatore is there. I love writing short skirmishes like the one above, now I just have to throw them together and make a story line lol. Thanks for your Critique, and my random capatilization of words is a bad habit as Cikki will tell you haha. See ya, I'll write more soon
Re: Short Battle
A small bit of information that might spin you guys out.. R.A. Salvadore (spelling?) actually PLAYS Everquest. Yup! I read an interview six months or so ago and it was way cool, he was talking all this stuff that only we know, stuff like Lower Guk, Raids and all that stuff.. He's even approached Verant to see if they would make up a custom character so he could run about as Drizzt... (I think they declined the request)
I forget which server hes on but I recall its not Quellious..
Re: Short Battle
I read that too Platt! Verent did disallow it because of some techniqual copyright law and because if there was a drow Ranger people would freak and stuff lol.
"Guk... If there is a hell I imagine its a lot like Lower Guk. A place where death is infinite, fools are legion and the howling and gnashing of teeth can be heard for miles." - Saibok
Re: Short Battle
wow since when did amazon have sample pages? that's neat! oh yea salvadore.... lol i guess it's a guy's kind of book. i have more fun reading ouze's bye bye story. THERE! am i a HEATHEN NOW!!!
Re: Short Battle
I would highly recommend RA Salvatore. It is really good stuff. Try the Dark Elf Trilogy.
"Guk... If there is a hell I imagine its a lot like Lower Guk. A place where death is infinite, fools are legion and the howling and gnashing of teeth can be heard for miles." - Saibok
Re: Short Battle
Yes Cikki, read those books! I re-read the series DAILY. Best literature ever, im almost done with book 5 streams of silver for about the 15nth time. Thats gotta tell you something. Because of this series, i might be an author when I choose my career
Re: Short Battle
ummm, I think it's against my religion to do anything that involves Oprah, not sure though, I'll get back to you on that..
Yes, Oprah is sacraligious , Blasphemy to engage in Oprah book club books, even this post dirites my typing finger! aieeeeee
Re: Short Battle
I'm not much into oprah book clubs, they're kinda mushy, but I read this book called I know this much is true -- or something like that. That is SUCH a good book. I don't think i can get into salvadore. I have never been able to get much into fantasy stories. But i'll give those sample pages another shot. Just for you guys!
Re: Short Battle
Ok just now really getting into the posts but I have been reading the stories you all have written and they are absolutely fantastic... And R.A. Salvatore is a Wonderful author Itlain and I own many of his books...mostly Drizzt books The Dark Elf Trilogy, Legacy of the Drow, Icewinddale Trilogy, and The Silent Blade and some of the crystal shard series..Itlain totally got me into them and no Cikki they aren't just for guys..Cattie-brie and Guenhwyvar (even though yes shes a panther) are awesome female rolls in the books...not to mention the Stern loving Bruenor and hilarious overweight halfie Regis and his pendant If you read one all the way thru you will definatelty get hooked Lol i love scimitars because of Drizzt but is his other scimmy really called Frostband? I know the one is twinkle...hmmm lol gotta read em again Nice battle though
The Dark Elf Trilogy, Legacy of the Drow, Icewinddale Trilogy, and The Silent Blade and some of the crystal shard series..Itlain totally got me into them and no Cikki they aren't just for guys..Cattie-brie and Guenhwyvar (even though yes shes a panther) are awesome female rolls in the books...not to mention the Stern loving Bruenor and hilarious overweight halfie Regis and his pendant 
Email This To a Friend
Topic Commands
Click to receive email notification of replies 
Click to stop receiving email notification of replies