lo001i3090
Unregistered User
(12/14/03 7:12 am) Reply
What has happened to me?
I am a Christian English woman who began corresponding with a Turkish muslim man (half arab half kurd)from Veransehir in Eastern Turkey, in April of this year. I went over to meet this man after months of correspondence. On the basis that before we met he told me he was divorced from his wife and he had one child. I am a divorced woman and I would never knowingly sleep with a married man. After we'd spent a week together he revealed by email he had another wife to whom he was still marrried with two children and that he was sorry that he knew I would be upset and angry. Needless to say I was outraged. However I thought well at least he's been honest. I had already become emotionally involved with him. I continued to correspond and I met up with him again - my plan was to end the relationship at the end of the holiday. During the holiday he went on about how we were committing a sin in the eyes of Allah and if I would become his 'Mary' there would be no sin. He said it would be a simple thing for me to say yes in the prescence of two other Turkish men. One family and the other a guest. I saw no harm in alleviating his so called feelings of 'sin' and went through with the 10 second ceremony which I was asked if I would be his Mary twice and I was to reply yes. When we came away he said to me that I must now have no sex with anyone in England when I return there and that I must have sex with only him. What has this muslim man done here because I am not muslim so I did not understand what was happening to me and how does this affect me, him and his other wife?
Absolutely Confused.
christianmuslim
Unregistered User
(12/19/03 4:09 pm) Reply
What has happened to me?
I am sorry to say but it sounds to me like you married this man.when u stated 2 witnesses were present that is good sign he married you.Although I am wondering why you did this knowing the man had lied to you in the past.Girl be careful this is not american culture you are dealing with.He has told you he has lied to you about a wife and children already.You may think to consult an attorney and ask him if he thinks this man married you and if so what you can do to get out of it providing you want to.best of luck.
Christian woman married to
Muslim man
lo001i3090
Unregistered User
(12/20/03 4:03 pm) Reply
Thank You
thank you so much for your reply.
I did not consider the seriousness of what was taking place since I was not asked to sign anything, there were no papers, I only replied yes, which I suppose is the equivalent of the English "I do" in hindsight. At the time because it took place in a Cinema complex and not a mosque and I was not required to recite anything relating to the text to the Quran and I in my ignorance thought it was some sort of 'letting him off the hook for having sex' ceremony which sounds awful I know.
I've been and enquired at an Islamic shop where I live recently and they told me that it sounds like he has married you (as you say) but what he has done is not recognised in Islamic Law, Turkish Law and English Law. It is polygamy and probably practiced in his village and this is how they marry.
He will have a difficult time making this stick. He has no claim on me or my property etc. However, as he comes from deeper Eastern Turkey in his mind he does consider me his wife.
It is difficult to say why I still bothered with him because he lied. I know the reasons and circumstances why he lied - too personal to explain here but according to Islam he is required to 'tell' me about the existance of a wife - which he did but I also learned that this is a requirement if he intends on taking another wife (bit late to learn this now via the internet). However, I appreciate it is not a good thing what he has done since I have been coerced into a ceremony not fully understanding what was happening to me as nobody spoke hardly any English. I have been told to tread carefully by the advice from the Islamic shop.
Needless to say he is trying to visit me in England. He will find that what he has done is not a golden ticket access to me in Britain and I doubt very much if he will get a visa.
I am very grateful for your help
Linda
lo001i3090
Unregistered User
(12/21/03 2:43 pm) Reply
What has happened to me?
Thank you so much for your reply.
You might be right it appears to be some sort of ceremony of marriage.
I went to my local Islamic shop and they say they have never heard of this sort of thing and it won't be recognised by Islam. Although they did say 'tread carefully on this one' I don't know what they mean by that?
I won't bother consulting a solicitor on this because it means nothing here in England or in Turkish Law. He won't get my hands on my property or anything. He won't even get a visa to visit I should imagine and he thinks that what he has done is a golden ticket to a visa he will find out he is wrong.
I have to plead complete ignorance on this since I thought it was some sort of Quran requirement (like a confessional) to make him feel better about 'sinning' and on this basis I went through with it. Also it took place in a cinema complex and not a mosque. I only said YES (but I suppose this is the equivalent to the English "I do") Had I been asked to recite something from the Quran alarm bells would certainly have rung or had I been asked to perform this ceremony in a mosque it would have been more obvious to me.
It appeart to be some sort of backwater village polygamy ceremony that I have undertaken after doing a lot of research on the internet.
Re: What has happened to me?
No it was not a marriage ceremony because for one, you DO have to sign something. There is no marriage if there are no papers. Also, he would have had to say that he would give you a bridal gift of somekind.
Islamic Paths makes ALL of its material freely available to anyone at anytime,
all we ask is that you provide a link to our website at
http://www.islamic-paths.org
Umm Junayd
![0]](http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/alien.gif)
Email This To a Friend
Topic Commands
Click to receive email notification of replies 
Click to stop receiving email notification of replies 