I was hurting all over. I couldn’t really move so the pain seemed to stand out more. My whole body hurt worse than it did the first time I woke up. Not to mention, I now had a sore throat from the tube that was down my throat. The last thing I remembered was hearing the code being called. I tried to hyperventilate and that is kind of impossible to do while attached to a machine that is breathing for me. At least that is what my nurse, Della, told me. I woke up shortly after I passed out. At first I was a little upset that Kira wasn’t in here when I woke up, but then Della told me that she had to go look for someone. That made me feel better so I tried to wait patiently for her to come back. Della said she paged her to let her know that I had woken up. So I just laid here and worried about Hitoshi. I hadn’t even thought about myself yet. I’ve spent considerable amounts of time in hospitals, but this was different. I wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but I was scared. Really scared.
There was a knock on my door and I carefully turned my head towards the sound. Even that was an effort. Kira poked her head around the curtain. She smiled at me.
“I brought someone to see you.” She told me.
Then, to my great surprise, Masao Yamaki stepped around to the other side of her. He gave me a small smile. My jaw dropped.
“Wh- what are you doing here?!” I stuttered. Was I dreaming?
“Your friend found me in a waiting room. When they paged her to tell her that you had woken up, I asked if I could come with.” He pulled up a chair and down next to the side of my bed. Kira started to go to the one on the other side that she had been sitting in earlier, but changed her mind.
“Kotorii, I’ll be back in a few okay?” She nodded at me as she went around the curtain again.
“‘kay.” I was still surprised that Masao was sitting in the chair next to me. We had talked quite a few times, but still...
“How is he?” I whispered. It seemed to hurt less when I whispered.
“Not too sure. I really hope he is going to be okay, but I don’t know this time.” He sighed and I studied him carefully. His eyes seemed to be a window into his soul and I could see what this was doing to him. It broke my heart.
“Masao, are you doing okay?” I asked quietly.
He gazed at me for a moment before replying. “I don’t know that either. Kotorii, why did you do that? Why did you swallow that bottle? You are so luck to be alive right now.” His voice was weary.
“I was desperate. I had to do something to stop him. Please don’t be mad at me. I just wanted to get through to him. I didn’t even care what happened to me right then. I just wanted him to be okay. I thought that would stop him. I’m sorry.” Tears filled my eyes and I struggled to keep them from falling.
“I’m not mad at you, Kotorii. I just hate that you are going through all this. This shouldn’t have happened. He shouldn’t have been on-line in the first place. I say that all the time, but it never does any good. Now look what happened.” He shook his head.
“But he is going to be okay right?” I pressed.
“But what about you?! You should be worrying...” He was cut off by Kira bursting through the door.
“Masao, Hitoshi is coming around.” She relayed to him.
“Kotorii, I am going to go check on him. I’ll come back though as soon as I can, okay?” Masao stood up.
I nodded. He squeezed my shoulder gently and left. Kira came in and took his spot next to me.
“I think he was mad at me, K.” I whispered.
“No, I don’t think so. He is just upset about all of this. He is having a hard time seeing this happen to his best friend. I think I know how he feels.” She added softly.
I didn’t know what to say to that. My whole stomach area was throbbing now because of the surgery. I must have gotten a little pale because Kira went to get my nurse. Della gave me some more pain medication and it made me really drowsy.
“I’m going to go try to find out about Hitoshi okay?” Kira asked.
“Okay.” I whispered. My eyelids were closing on me, but it was okay because maybe when I woke up, Hitoshi would be okay.
Masao walked down the hall towards the ER. He was anxious to get back to Hitoshi since he had no idea why he passed out again or what was going on now. He stopped in front of the elevators and hit the down button. Just a few feet away a girl in scrubs stood on a pay phone. She caught Masao’s attention.
He didn’t know why, but something didn’t seem right. He watched her a moment. She was holding a piece of paper and seemed to be talking eagerly to whoever was on the other end. Then it clicked why something looked out of place. Why would someone that worked here be on pay phone? Why wouldn’t she use a desk phone or something. Her back was partially turned to him so he walked a little closer to her.
“That’s right! Hitoshi Kazuhiko from the X Japan...Yes, I have the whole thing...How much would you pay for it?...I can find out...It was definitely suicide...It says right here “I am holding a handful of pills” and it says “I don’t want to live anymore.”...Yes, and the other girl, Kotorii, is here too...I don’t know, critical?...”
Masao wasn’t sure if he was hearing her right at first. She was talking a mile a minute. When it sunk in, Masao was horrified. Then angry. Blind rage filled him.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?!” He shouted at her.
She froze and whirled around. Her mouth dropped open when she saw who had just yelled at her. “Oh my god...” She muttered, in shock.
“Who were you talking to?” Masao demanded, his voice taking a new tone. A much lower tone.
“Um, uh...” The girl could only stare at him.
Without warning his hand snapped in front of her, ripped the phone from her grasp and slammed it back onto the hook. “Who was it?” He asked again, his voice dangerously low.
“No one.” Came the quick answer.
Masao looked at her name tag. “Terri, tell me who you were talking to right now.” His voice was strangely calm. That is what scared Terri. His eyes were flashing and the look on his face was of sheer anger.
“It’s too late now. They already know. I told them everything.” Terri told him. Her voice was shaking slightly, but she tried to hide it. She couldn’t believe Masao Yamaki was standing in front her looking like he was going to tear her limb from limb. She thought he was the nice one. The polite, mild-mannered one. The man now standing before her scared her.
“Who knows everything?” That same dead calm voice.
“The National Enquirer.” She whispered.
“What?! Why the @#%$ would you do something like that?!” He threw his hands up and Terri jumped.
“I needed the money.” She tried to defend herself.
“You ruin Hitoshi’s name for money. You break the confidentiality law for money? You @#%$ destroy his life for money?! What kind of heartless bitch are you?!” Masao’s voice got louder with everything he said.
Terri shrank away from him, pale as a ghost. She had never seen someone so mad in her entire life. She wanted to yell back that Hitoshi had destroyed his own life, but she didn’t dare. She wasn’t sorry about what she did. All that mattered was that she got her money.
Masao seemed to remember where he was and immediately tried to calm himself down. He knew that he shouldn’t have let himself get so worked up anyway. That wasn’t good for anyone.
“You will hear from my lawyers.” He informed her before turning around and slamming open the door to the steps. Once the door shut he leaned his head against the concrete wall of the stairwell and shut his eyes. His head was pounding now and he sank onto one of the steps. Things were going from bad to worse.


For a few brief moment while he sat in the stairwell, Masao allowed the anguished tears to fall. He was sickened and upset about what this girl had done to Hitoshi. She had betrayed patient confidentiality.

~*~*~*~


When I saw Masao’s face, I immediately knew that I was in deep trouble. His face was pale and his eyes were red-rimmed from crying.

“Hey Hitoshi, I’m glad to see you’re awake now,” Masao commented, his voice quiet and lacked emotion. The smile Masao had put on his face was defiHitoshily fake.

I slowly closed my eyes, thinking of what to say to Masao. I had messed up yet again and I was hurting my best friend.

“Where am I?” I was suprised at how hoarse my voice sounded.

Masao sighed. “In the hospital emergency room.”

I slowly shook my head, god it hurt to do that. I knew I was in a hospital, I just wanted to know where.

“Tampa?” I was hoping I was close to home.

“No Hitoshi, Oklahoma City, I think.” When he answered me, he had his face down so it looked like he was talking to the floor instead of me.

I searched my mind trying to remember why I was in Oklahoma City, more importantly, why I was in an emergency room.

“Why?”

Masao was shaking his head. “Don’t you remember anything at all?”

I just looked at Masao with anticipation hoping he would clue me in on what had happened. Tons of scenarios filled my mind.

“Hitoshi, you OD’d again, or I should say you were thinking about it and you backed out but it was too late. You evidently had some meds in still in your system and it really has been messing you up.

I knew I had hurt Masao deeply, he couldn’t look me in the eyes when he explained to me what was going on. Still, I had no idea what had happened that made me upset enough to try and take my life.

Masao stood up and walked over towards the opposite side of the room. “You got upset over something that was going on while you were online again. The dumb part of it this time Hitoshi, is that someone followed you in your actions.”

Names popped into my head. Who was I online with?

Masao turned away from the picture he was looking at and stared at me, making me feel uncomfortable.

“Kotorii is in critical condition because of you,” Masao stated quietly and evenly.

“@#%$.”

It came back to me. She threatened to drink that bottle of albuterol and she did it. She never came back online to tell me she was okay. But I remember throwing up those pills. How could I have wound up in the ER?

“But I threw them up.”

I was trying to convince Masao that I was okay and that I never intended on carrying this through.

Masao shook his head no again. “Not all of them Hitoshi. Whatever you took did some damage to you this time. You’ve already had one seizure since you’ve been here, God only knows if this is something that will happen again or not or if this is a permanent condition.”

Masao had an angry tone in his voice. I immediately became scared. I had overdosed before and Masao was always there for me, catching me before it was too late. This time couldn’t be any different. I was awake and breathing. Things were going to be fine.

“I’m sorry Masao,” I quickly appologised, trying to make all that was wrong, right. “Kotorii is going to be okay, right?”

“Hitoshi, her kidneys shut down, they can’t repair the damage to them. She is going to need a transplant,” Masao stared at me and then walked off towards the doorway to the room I was in.

I started feeling sick to my stomach. I caused this and now her life would be forever changed. There had to be a way that I could fix this. Suddenly, my hands started shaking. I couldn’t stop the movements, it was like they were detached from my body.

“Now because of the stunt you pulled,” Masao gestured with his hands, “it’s out in the open, it’s in the press, everyone will know about this!”

Masao turned around to face Hitoshi in time to see that his body had become rigid and his arms and legs were shaking. He slapped the nurse button on the wall.

“@#%$.....Hitoshi!”

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