Star, that was beyond beautiful, thanks for sharing.
Expat, I hope I did not offend you by commenting on bad men. I did not intend to. I am very overprotective of women and sometimes it just comes out like a mama bear protecting her cubs. The end of a relationship does not always mean that someone is a "bad" person and Star's post illustrates that beautifully when it makes mention of how giving pieces of our hearts to people is part of loving someone and we can grow from any experience rather it be positive or negative. So I apologize. I did not mean for it to come across as labeling Matt as bad. Sometimes things just don't work out between people. We learn from it and grow. As painful as it can be, we can still learn and grow. So, again, I apologize. I do hate that you are hurting and I promise not to break his knees if we shall ever meet.
Ditto for you Maya
No it wasn't aimed at you!! Maya wrote that there were no "bad" people just bad actions and I agreed with that. I don't want to feel hatred only love and most of all I want to let go. Having said that, obviously I'm the best and I'm right!!
"chronique d'une mort annoncée" (as we say in French or like the car crash reference). It was already in the stars and I should be thankful to know now and be free now. Your lights and prayers should help me find a lovely place .
Serene and Star,
You two are so lovely and know how to boost someone's state of mind.
Maya,
Funny you talked about going away. I was thinking about seeing you. Maybe later in the year. Would be better for me. Nice to know there's a room available for me
Expat 'n Shulee ... totally true my babies ... persons who share life and times (ups/downs) over the years as Matt and Expat did, are not bad. Best vibes that the rest of it hurts you less and helps you more Expat.
Bad is when someone takes off to NYC from Rome and speaks of London Gents, leaves a wife (yes a wife! another text confession) in deep turmoil, and tries everything to hook-up! Life alone will bust those knees, I'm sure. Life made me think twice and thrice and I'm so glad and relieved. I would have been very bad to myself ... lemme' explain.
I'm on a short break from the HIV high level meetings. I'm only interpreting into Spanish on occasion when the doctors don't understand some things. They're very good though so it's more learning for me and I really learned a lot more on HIV stats and orphanage and proxy infections, but it boils down to the same thing. I can't speak to well to the i.v. using audience, but I can say this to the sexual beings. Please, be honest, be brave, be as safe and guarded as you can. It takes merely one contact to be infected and that hasn't changed from when they first told us. I hope we are all frequently testing ourselves and having only protected sex (unless we are truly sure of a monogamous relationship), as well as having a strong bridge of communication with our significant or insignificant others .
But HIV is not the only STD to cause death ... maybe some of you noticed the new wave of HPV commercials done by cervical cancer or pre-cancer patients (I was one in pre-cancerous stage with 16-year old dormant cells from Rossana's dad). What the commercials aren't telling us is that HPV can only be sexually transmitted. It can be carried on pubic hair in the scrotum and testicles (which cannot be wrapped with condoms). We can be infected in many ways. The regular swab PAPsmear tests don't really find this HPV virus in the early stages. I had 4 clean PAPs from 2001 to 2003 (I checked every 6 months and lapsed 1.5 years due to inactivity). The swab found me in stage 3 dysplasia, 6 weeks away from cancer and had to have an immediate surgery. Thereafter, no sex for almost 6 months and PAPs every 3 months. THE PAPS THAT BEST DETECTS THE HPV IS A "DNA" PAPS, COSTS MORE, DOCTORS DON'T SAY IT BUT IT'S BEEN PUBLISHED SINCE 1998. This goes for anyone who was penetrated male or female. The damage for males who have contracted HPV is rectal cancer. I'm sure there's more detailed explanations if you google HPV (Mayo clinic and New England Journa of Medicine are very reliable).
Ahaa! I'm telling you, it's a miracle we're still here (me and my soul) 'cause I wasn't active nor seeking to be, and bam! I met someone who was actually honest, we agreed to be tested, and that's how I found my HPV. Holy cannoli!
These sessions at the U.N. just brought it all back and that guy's behavior with me last week, wow! It gives me the creeps to see how a fully prepared, independent, well-read and intelligent woman like me almost fell prey to the needs of my soul meeting the needs of someone else's ego.
I would have been truly bad to myself.
FYI, I'm gonna' speak on Radio Pacifica (DC) in a week or 2, starting a series on Women's Issues. It would be great to take some feedback from leading female minds such as all of yours. My email is mayasbeat@gmail.com so please chime in, make sure you tell me if you wish to be quoted or not. Or if you wish to have an anonymous name. I'll probably do a segment called "letters from the ladies" and will read your emails on the air. There's a small catch I think I'll be doing Spanish shows first and then if the public reacts well, we'll dupe an in-English series. The reason to start in Spanish is that my co-dj (of back in WNYU) started this grassroots movement when he was in Costa Rica and saw a lot of abuse from foreigners who travel and screw the lives of these girls (through either romance, pregnancy, prostitution, rape, and even murder). And, I got my first hand look at that last week, didn't I?! I'm just realizing as I write the reason for Julian's idea, that I'm still a green, country Central American who didn't see this coming!!! But lucky me, I have a mic and a loud mouth and can speak for me and many more.
The roster of issues is being determined 'cause we have loads of them so categorizing will keep things in structure and listeners will follow our purpose better.
Expat, thank you but I did make a comment that I needed to clarify. You are to be commended for choosing to be loving despite the situation. I would say there's not much more to learn from it. If you are astute enough to see that right away, you are ahead of the game, baby. Sending best wishes for the job as well. That's something new to focus on in the midst of all this. Stay strong, my sister.
Maya, I don't know what to say but how proud I am of you. That broke my heart. I have nothing but major respect and admiration for your strength. Especially for the work you do in educating others. Rock on. Let me know exactly what you need for your broadcast. Perhaps, I could offer something about the rape I went through. It's important that women know that we have to be diligent and on guard at all times because my attackers were men I KNEW and never would have thought could have done something like that. One was married and one I thought I was close to and one was just really sweet and low key. Some types of men will fool you every time.
And this fellow with the wife....let's just be glad that you kept your wits about you and he found the exit himself. We women love hard, the not-so-serious suitors need not apply. Rossana could not have handpicked a better mother. Love to the ladies, have a great day.
Radio Pacifica
... is gonna' air in ENGLISH from the get go!
tks be to GOD! I'm gonna' dub a Spanish short and segment it and feed it out anyway, but we're gonna' reach out more and stronger in the official language of the land ... wasn't it always?! duh! Love u all very much!
oh, and come to my party on thursday the 8th in williamsburg, c'mon, FREE CONCERT 3 SHOWS 2 DJS, ME IN DRAGON LADY SUIT ... naaaahhh, just kidding. WHO KNOWS, I MAY ACTUALLY PLAY SOME RECORDS MYSELF!
BRING ME A FLYER AND I'LL MAKE YOU A CAIPIRINHA MYSELF.
OR I'LL DANCE WITH YOU! www.liveatrose.com
Your kind words is very much all I need right now. I keep visiting those horrid places and I'm thinking "what??". Then I'm thinking "why not?" then I remember the doubts I had when I met him and recently I found an old Oprah freebie mini book and one of her wise words were: "in doubt, don't". I was talking to Maya and I told her about that advice. And then yesterday I was talking to Maya again about one of those places and she was like "remember what you told me..? in doubt, don't" and I replied "yes, you're right". She then advised to paint one of my nails pink as a reminder and guess what?? (looks cool too)
Quote
I am currently reading The Zahir by Paulo Coelho...
"I believe in signs. After I had walked the road to Santiago, everything had changed completely: what we need to learn is always there before us, we just have to look around us with respect and attention in order to discover where God is leading us and which step we should take next. I also learned a respect for mystery: as Einstein said, God does not play dice with the universe; everything is interconnected and has a meaning. That meaning may remain hidden nearly all the time, but we always know when we are close to our true mission on earth when we are doing is touched with the energy of enthusiasm"
Re: Quote
okay, how sick is this ... we are reading the same book! we just unpacked the 30th box of books yesterday and this popped on to me-hands, along with "screenwriting from the soul" and "junky", 2 of my favs!
lol ... we are sisters, who said otherwise?!
okay, it's not just a party anymore, ROSE BRAZILERO became a concert series (in theory) and we're gonna' make it happen for life! I just booked my first 6 dates and gonna' fill June 15 in a minute (by 2morrow). I'm so lucky to have such good friends as musicians and performers, sooo blessed little maya, you are so blessed. thanks be to thy maker and give back, give back, give it all back ... the world needs it more than you do, for you just had it and can now let it go ... the masses need it too. that love for life. share it!
oh, plus, we're going to DC next week (we, who's we, me and my spirit and the great spirit of life u share with me daily). our 1st segment (to be named) will run. this is a black operated station ... there's a lot of ground to cover among all us minority women and majority as well, to learn from and faciliate to one another, even if just a "morning nod" ... wish me luck!
xox mayazinha
Edited by: MayasHeartBeat at: 6/6/06 4:02 am
Here it's amazing! Summer has finally made an appearance and I was walking down toward The Thames and spent the evening out drinking with friends and it was just wonderful... The atmosphere, the people... Hope that it is also great where you live
Re: What is the world like...
outside my window is a slick silver
with slivers of transparent water,
as liquid drenched in pollution
drops about Bed-Stuy ...
just some blocks away
from Williamsburg and miles
and miles and miles apart
from Big Ben London,
but just down the road
from Big Ben Brooklyn.
and I see how near we are
despite the gray, the thames
the distance and these strange days
why isn't the world always this clear?
might be my windows.
lemme' clean them.
get my life back to real.
________________
expat, thinking week of sept 7. will confirm in 1 week. is that okay? it's official! maya
Re: What is the world like...
Hey ladies and Mr. Sunjata, missed you all much, where's my Liquid?
My world is overwhelmed with the rays of the sun. Hot, tropical, almost endless summer. Tanning year round. Forever sun-kissed and beautiful skies arrayed with many beautiful colors at sunset. Oh yeah, did I mention hot? I'm so not as poetically talented as you ladies.
Have a great weekend. I'm hoping Maya and Expat are feeling better. I think it's great if you two can get together. Have a blast and keep the rest of us Cocoa Beans in mind.
I'm right
HERE!!!!!!!!! I heard you calling my name Shula and I came running!!!!! I missed you guys sooo very very much!!! (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))) I have been abit busy but please know you all are ALWAYS on my mind, in my heart and most importantly in my prayers!!!
Star that poem was beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes!!!
Maya- Hey Momma!!!! Missed you missed you missed you! See you are busy, as always, and spreading that wonderful knowledge with us all!!!
Expatty Cakes- Hey Lady Bug!!!
Sereney- Hey honey! You still tearing up the world and making it your own?
Onfire- Where are you? Haven't heard from you in awhile!!! I pray all is well!
Divine- You are MIA.. miss you!!
SHULA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was missing my other half! It just didn't feel right not being here!!! But I didn't want to pop on and not have the time to talk!! But I'm back and shutting out some of these hectic voices. Listening to God and getting things back in order. He is taking me in a new direction, one that I have been fighting for some time, but with his grace and love I KNOW it is the right path for me to be on.
Ok, I know you guys already established " no knee" breaking BUT all I'm saying is.. I got an Uncle Vinny who adores me and has no problem with " Talking" to folks!! HA!
When someone breaks your heart it feels like you can't go on. We can be soo very careless with the most precious gift of love. Throwing it away as if it were a dirty napkin. Forgetting how pure and clean it was. How new and white it was until we wiped all our fears, past hurts and foolish pride on it. Leaving imprints on the folds, then tossing it aside, done with it and moving on to the next.
I love you guys deeply and pray for you all on a daily basis! There is no hurt that won't heal with God and time. Star's poem was just.. beyond words.
Ok.. enough of that! I'll get sad!! But I will shameless plug!!!!
The website Chi life has been brave enough to let me speak my mind on Fashion etc!! The FOOLS!!! LOL!! I get free reign in a column on a bi-weekly basis! The first installment just went up so I want to know what you guys think? And I know you will be honest!! But remeber I'm sensitive and cry like a girl!!
www.chilife.org under " News Corner". I'm excited for the opportunity and grateful to God for the blessing.
There is an e-mail address for comments, so please let the powers that be know what you think and pass the link!! The more feedback the better!
I promise not to be gone from home this long again!!! Next time I'll bring cookies!!!!!!!!
LIQUID!!!!! AKA MS. DANA D
Hey, Baby!!!
Wassup?!!! It's so good to hear from you. I read your column and I say stay on your newly appointed path. I LOVE IT. I will be forwarding your column to all my girlfriends. I will plug my Lil' Magic without shame. So proud of you.
Thank you for addressing the Grillz. If you can afford a dentist, pease go for the "natural" look. All I can say is my people, my people. How about I took my eight year old (2 years ago) to a wacky dentist who put a silver crown in her mouth without telling me. ON A BABY TOOTH, NO LESS!!! I almost hit the roof. She was digging it until I showed her the Grillz brigade. You know how seductive shiny, "pretty" things can be.
I was cracking up with your column on the size thing about the "pseudo" accessories and then you called me out for my size 2. That's ok. I trust you. No more girls' 14, I promise.
So, I will be checking in on the column. Gotta support my other half. So good to hear from you and now we need the rest of our darling MIA's. Glad you're busy and it sounds like things are going well. Tell Uncle Vinny I said holla back. We may have to put him on retainer for our little group here.
Take care and much love to you and the ladies and the Mr. Sunjata.
Shula
Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy SHULA!!!!
Ok.. so WHY am I sitting here with a big grin on my face!!! I'm sooo glad you liked it! What you guys think means alot to me. I'm soooo happy to hear from you Shula Bula the one and only Trula!!!!!
I have to do a better job of proof reading next time though. My editors are super busy and didn't go over it like I thought they would!! So I have afew typos here and there. Nothing major.. just gotta stay on my p's and q's for the next addition!! I'm excited and ready to write. Just in debate on what it will be about. I have afew ideas.. I just need to narrow it down a bit. So we shall see what comes out.
As for Uncle Vincenzo. He loves me deeply like I said and will travel where ever, when ever! LOL!!! Let me know if you want to re-visit that dentist!!! Fuhgetabouit! I got us covered!
Please Shula.. you are perfect! I don't even have to see you and I know you are beautiful ( in a completely non-sexual way! LOL!!!) Don't worry about the whole size 2 thing!! We can't help it we were born with curves!!! I was laughing with my sister because we were joking about how we never had a training bra. My mother use to say Train WHAT!? Ya'll heffas were teaching the class! You went straight into a cup size! LOL!! All my friends had the cute lil t-shirts with the bows or the training bras with the cutesy lil straps! I had on sports bras during gym and baggy t-shirts.. afraid to jump rope in fear of a black eye! Flaunt it if ya got it!!
We mos def have to find our MIA's and I'm still harping on the idea of us taking over NYC!! I'm ready for a vacation anyway! And what better way to spend it the with my Cocoa Lounge family!!!!! I mean YES we will probably shut the club down and be banned for life! But it won't be our fault!! LOL!! Society has made us this way. We are merely a prodcut of our environemnt! Children of industry! Women off of our normal medication.. I mean.. ummm.. welll... Ha!
Thank you for the support Honey bunches of oats! I appreciate it and YOU!! I truly appreciate all of you!
Take care of yourself!!! I will talk to you guys soon!!
Hey Hey Hey!!!!HEY HEY HEY ALL!!! I know I have been away for ages but you have all been in my mind and heart. How is everyone doing? I decided to pop in to see what was going on and I ran across everyone speaking of the poem Star wrote. I haven't read it but once I finish writing this I am going to read it. I know if Star put it on the board, it is worth the read.
Liquid, thanks for the shout out. What is this column you have written? I am going to read it tomorrow. I am proud of you. Ironically, I read you post and the words you wrote about someone breaking your heart--- Funny, I am dealing with a broken heart now--I was actually sad driving home today from my internship. All I can say from what you wrote is that, at least I know I was real with my feelings and I thank God for the opportunity to express my love.
HEY!!!!!
DIVINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok... I'mma stop yellling now! Hey Honey!!! We all missed you something terrible!
I'm glad you decided to pop in and say hi. Sad that someone didn't realize how special and precious of a heart they held and let it go. It hurts now but you know what.. that just means they weren't worthy of it. If they couldn't recognize the beauty of you inside and out.. they weren't meant too. God is still working on that special person who doesn't need convincing, time or days to work it out and think it through. They will know when they see you, that you are who they have been searching for.
And again.. I offer my uncle Vincenzo's services! Just let me know.
As for the article. It's the first one of , God willing, many more I have been blessed to wirte on the website. The first one, of course, is to draw people in and have them willing to come back. Kinda like an " opening statement."
After that I refuse to make this a complete " Rip and Dis" coulmn. We have enough people tearing us down as is. I mean yeah it's all fun and gmaes and I plan to continue that but I think to be helpful and put something on one's heart and in their heads is much better.
I plan to speak on fashion in the matter of clothes but to me, fashion is just not about what you wear but HOW you wear it. You can have the most exspensive outfit on and wear it like a 2 dollar sack. You must feel beautiful to look beautiful! Treat your heart and others as well as you treat your clothes or those 500.00 dollar shoes and you will always be the most beautiful person in the room.
Ok... That's enough. it's too early to start preaching! LOL!!!
I love you guys!! Have a great day!!!!!!!!!!! Shula, Star, MAYA, Expattycakes, Sereney, Onfire, Minerich, Madam!!!!!, Who have I missed?! Love you tooo!!!!
Divine (((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))) You'lll be just fine!!!!!!!
Group Hug!!!!
DIVINE, I'MA JUST BE IGNANT AND ADD TO THE YELLING.
It's good to hear from you. Stay strong, this too shall pass. Liquid, this "hit" list is getting longer with every post. Uncle Vinnie is officially on retainer. Expat, I said I would not break any knees. I did not say anything about anyone else being retained for the sole purpose of doing so.
But, seriously Divine. Hang in there. Believe it or not, these things can be learned from and character building. Hurts like the dickens but when you show up as a grown up for the real thing after these "rehearsals" you are better prepared to deal. Much love and support to you.
Liquid, the yelling is funny. When I saw you post, in my mind I was screaming my head off like some women do when we see each other and screaming like a fool and jumping up and down. I am such a teenaged valley girl at heart. Just goofy.
I did not get a rip and dis feel on your column. It was written with great humor and in such a way that you had to laugh at yourself when certain parts undoubtedly described you. Kind of, "I see you laughing but I'm looking at, pointing at and talking about you, now stop it." I thought it was hysterical. Not a negative vibe in sight but I may be biased because I consider you a pure soul. Anyway, I look forward to reading it. Brand name labels have never been synonymous with style to me. I like to rock vintage, thrift store, classics, and an inconspicuous label. My favorite and most well received outfit in high school cost me a whopping $3.20 courtesy of the White Elephant on Halsted Street. People always ask where I buy my daughters' clothes. That's hilarious to me. I dress them like Mini Me's. My girls have never worn a designer label except for wool Donna Karan peacoats at rock bottom prices. Not that I'm against it but they grow like weeds and until you get a trust fund from Uncle Daniel S. and a job, I will not be throwing money away on something you can't wear and maintain for longer than a few months at a time. I have a friend I met when I worked in corporate world. Dear friend. Awesome person, love her more than myself. Boys 4 and 10. They only wear designer and then if it is a Sean John shirt, must be paired with Sean John pants and so on with socks and underwear, etc., if available. Always on the verge of eviction. My people, my people. She was first in line on my email for your column. Speak Liquid, speak. Set 'em free, baby.
You are so right. I would say how you wear your clothes is probably 80-90% of your style. And if you are a true Cocoa Bean at heart 99%. Rock a birthday suit like Chanel, Marc Jacobs, and Valentino.
Family Reunion
What is this, a family reunion??!! I love it! We may not all show up at the same time but we always seem to get together at the right time. Divine.... missed you sooo much. How is your internship going? Liquid I am so proud of you and the column. Read your piece and it is something that needs to be said, long overdue. I kept getting these visuals, hilarious! Looking forward to reading more.
Now where in the world is La Maddie and Minerich? Haven't heard from you guys in awhile. Perhaps we can channel them to check in. Shula, I finished "Confessions" some weeks ago and I really, really enjoyed the book and gained alot of insight about politics. I had sooo many people ask me what the book was all about when they would get a glimpse of the title.I am currently reading "The Covenant with Black America" by Tavis Smiley. Just getting into it but I like what I have read thus far.
You know how seductive shiny, "pretty" things can be. 
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